Chapter 136

 

He rode out of the camp on horseback, galloped along the wild road outside the city wall towards the north of the city, braving the wind and snow, and arrived at the bank of the Wei River in one breath.

Tonight, the Wei River flowed slowly eastward, and above the broad surface of the water, heavy snow fell like goose feather. He dismounted and rushed to the sacrificial shore where he had come several times before.

There was no one here, but there was an altar. In the altar were neatly placed incense burners, sacrificial fruits and wine, and a few sticks of incense were quietly burning in the burner, emitting a few wisps of smoke.

The incense was already halfway burned.

That feeling—of something originally impossible suddenly becoming real—surged all the more intensely in that instant.

Pei Xiaoyuan’s heart was pounding.

But where are the people? Where are they?

Beneath the vast curtain of swirling snow, he strained his eyes open, just about to search his surroundings, when suddenly his steps faltered. After pausing for a few moments, he abruptly turned his head.

Not far behind him, on a stretch of sloped riverbank, a lone figure sat quietly on a mossy stone, knees drawn up, gazing out across the flowing Wei River.

She was wrapped from head to toe in a thick red hooded cape with white fur trim.

That red was the red of pomegranates in full bloom in May, a red so vivid that even in the heavy darkness of night, it blazed dazzlingly bright. A gust of wind swept snowflakes toward her, making the corners of her cloak dance. From afar, she looked like a leaping flame, glowing fiercely. It lit up the snow-white ground at her feet—and in an instant, that fire seemed to burn its way forward, igniting the eyes of the young man standing still by the water’s edge.

Pei Xiaoyuan forgot everything. He could do nothing—nothing but gaze at her, unblinking. He saw her turn, her delicate face half-hidden beneath her snow hood. And in that moment when their eyes met, it seemed as though she smiled softly at him. Then she rose, stepped up onto the riverbank, and began walking toward him, through the drifting, fluttering snow.

“You’re here?” Xuyu stopped in front of him and nodded at him with a smile.

He didn’t answer.

She continued, “Tomorrow you will go to north. Speaking of which, I have been a wife of the Pei family for quite some time, but I have never offered sacrifices to my parents-in-law. I heard from Qingtou that you would come here to offer sacrifices to General and Lady Cui, so I followed suit tonight and came here rashly. If I have offended you or if I have made you unhappy, please forgive me. I am truly sincere.”

Pei Xiaoyuan finally came to his senses and shook his head hastily: “Princess, you’re too serious…”

Hearing a hoarse and unpleasant voice coming from his throat, he paused, calmed himself, and then spoke again: “If my father and mother knew, they would feel touched and happy. Why should I be offended?”

Xuyu nodded: “Then I feel relieved.”

She turned to the altar, took the libation wine, came to the water’s edge, then slowly poured it onto the water. She worshiped devoutly for a moment, walked back, glanced at the thin layer of snow that had accumulated on his shoulders, and said, “There is no shelter here, you come with me.”

After she said that, she walked past him. Pei Xiaoyuan followed the red shadow in front of him silently. The two walked one after the other along the snow on the shore for dozens of steps, while a faint fragrance permeated his lungs.

Under the forest on the bank, stood a weathered, crumbling pavilion. A few glass palace lanterns hung from its beams, casting a soft light. Nearby, plum branches budding with blossoms quietly reached into one corner of the structure.

Beneath those branches, a brazier glowed red with heat. At the center stood a small table, with a cushion on each side.

Yang Zai’en, accompanied by a few attendants, was standing outside the pavilion with hands lowered respectfully at his side. When he saw the two of them coming, he bowed, led the people away silently, and disappeared.

Xuyu entered the pavilion first, flapped the lapels of her cloak to shake off the snow, then took off her hat, and turned her head to glance at him.

Pei Xiaoyuan followed her into the pavilion and stood still.

Xuyu knelt down on one of the cushions and smiled, motioning to him to take a seat as well. After he sat down, they faced each other. She reached out and picked up a silver pot from the small stove. While pouring some warm tea for him, she casually asked, “Have you been drinking?”

Pei Xiaoyuan subconsciously squeezed his injured hand under his sleeve. When he was about to deny it, he saw her raise her eyebrows and glance at him. He paused and whispered, “I only drank a few sips.”

“Does your hand hurt? Let me see.” she said softly.

He felt a burning heat on his back, as if he was naked in front of her. With a little shame, he immediately shook his head: “It doesn’t hurt.”

She did not insist on seeing it, and after pouring him some tea, she poured herself a cup as well.

“This is pepper tea,” she said.

Then she explained, “When I lived in Luzhou with my grandfather, the neighbors would collect peppercorns in the mountains at the end of the year and make peppercorn wine for New Year’s Eve. It is said that drinking it can ward off disasters and evil spirits in the coming year. You’re going north tomorrow and fight for the country, and it happens to be the end of the year. I have nothing to express my gratitude, so I will use tea instead of wine to send you off.

“I hope that you will have a smooth journey and return safely soon.”

After she finished speaking, she raised her cup to salute him, then drank it herself.

She wore her hair in a high bun tonight, without any extra decorations, except for a crescent-shaped jade comb on each side of her black hair that looked like crow feathers. The glazed lantern on the top of the pavilion swayed gently, reflecting the bright fire and her pomegranate red dress, casting a layer of shimmering pearl light and shadows on her face, which was even clearer than the moon.

Pei Xiaoyuan stared at her, raised his teacup and drank it all in one gulp.

“Thank you, Princess. I will certainly do my best.”

When he put down the teacup and looked up again, he had regained his usual calm demeanor. She, however, just lowered her head slightly, her eyes fixed on the teacup in front of her, as if she had something on her mind.

“How… how is your injury?”

He waited for a moment, and finally, when he couldn’t help but ask this question, the guilt and regret that had been weighing on his heart for a long time also flooded out.

“I heard…you also hurt your wrist?”

What kind of cruel person is he? At this moment, he could still bear not to take her wrist and check it himself, he thought blankly in his heart.

She was silent.

From time to time, the wind blew in a few snowflakes, which fell on her temples, then melted and disappeared. But there was one snowflake that was particularly persistent, always clinging to her hair and refusing to leave.

Another piece slowly fell.

It wasn’t snow, but the falling petals of plum blossoms from the corner of the pavilion.

“It’s all my fault.” He stared, suppressing the dull pain in his chest, and continued in a steady tone.

“If I hadn’t entered the palace that night, you wouldn’t have been hurt again and again because of me. I deserve to die. No matter how I make amends in this life, I’m afraid I will never be able to repay the Princess.”

She remained silent.

A sudden gust of cold wind swept in from the river behind her, carrying a flurry of snow. It surged into the pavilion all at once, blowing the two plum petals from her hair away with the snowflakes. Her figure swayed slightly, as if in the very next moment, she might be blown over by the wind and snow.

Pei Xiaoyuan stood up at once. Lifting his cloak, he bent down toward her, shielding her with his own back and wrapping her completely within the folds of his cloak.

“Let me escort the Princess back!”

He decided to call it a day.

To be able to meet her so unexpectedly and drink her farewell tea, it was enough for him.

Xuyu didn’t stand up, but just raised her face, looked at him and asked, “That night, if you knew I would get hurt because of you, would you still go?”

Pei Xiaoyuan was stunned for a moment, then shook his head decisively.

Xuyu smiled and said softly, “What about after that? After you know that my father was the instigator of the Battle of Beiyuan, will you still endure it like that because of me?”

Pei Xiaoyuan lowered his head, looking at her who was sheltered in his cloak, and did not answer.

The wind disappeared.

“Please sit down again.” Xuyu said.

Pei Xiaoyuan took back his cloak and slowly sat back down.

“You just said it’s all your fault. It’s not your fault. The truth is cruel, but we must face it. There’s no use in running from it—this is something I’ve only recently come to truly understand. There were things I had been avoiding too,” she said quietly.

“It’s like what you said just now: if you had known I would get hurt, you could’ve endured it that time. You could even endure it for a lifetime. But I cannot do the same.

“You are not at fault in this matter. If anything, the one who was wrong—was me. You have no reason to blame yourself, not even a little.”

Seeing his expression slightly changed, as if he was about to speak, Xuyu shook her head: “What I said is completely from my heart.

“If I were to say, up to now, what I regret most, it would be that I asked you to be my prince consort.”

Pei Xiaoyuan’s eyebrows moved slightly.

“Of course, it’s not your fault, it’s entirely my fault.” Xuyu continued.

“You don’t have to feel guilty at all. I am the one who should feel guilty and regretful.”

“Hao’er!”

Pei Xiaoyuan suddenly called her by her nickname. Then, he leaned forward, put his hands on the table, and moved closer to her.

He looked at her, his brows furrowed, his eyes filled with a complex and indescribable expression.

It seemed like it was the first time she heard him call her like that outside of their intimate moments.

Xuyu gave a faint smile. With her palm turned upward, she reached out toward him in a gesture of gentle asking.

“Do you still have your fish talisman with you?”

Pei Xiaoyuan seemed stunned at first. After a brief moment of confusion, he remained silent, did not answer, and his body did not move.

“If so, give it back to me.”

Xuyu spoke softly. After a while seeing that he remained unmoved, only staring at her as if he hadn’t heard, she too straightened up and leaned slightly toward him. When she was close enough to reach, her hand slowly reached for the belt around his waist, found a small leather bag, and slipped inside.

Her fingertips touched a cold, hard object. She paused, then held it, and was about to pull it out, when suddenly, the back of her hand felt cold. A large hand pressed down. His fingers closed around hers—and around the object between them—firmly stopping her from taking it away.

In Xuyu’s memory, his palms were always dry and warm. But at this moment, the big hand holding hers felt so cold. Rough and cold.

She tried to pull away, but she couldn’t. He held her tighter instead.

“Hao’er, I’m sorry…”

There was only a small table between them, and both of them leaned slightly towards each other. He held her hand, and their faces were inevitably leaning against each other.

The distance was so close that when he hoarsely called her name again and choked out an apology, the warm, uneven breaths from his lips brushed against her sensitive earlobe. Xuyu could feel it so clearly, it gave her the distinct illusion that he might kiss her at any moment and rub her ears against his.

Her eyelashes trembled slightly. She stopped trying to pull her hand back and let him hold it as he pleased. Then, slowly, she lifted her head and met his eyes.

She looked into his eyes for a moment, and suddenly a smile appeared on her lips.

“Pei Er,” she also changed her words and no longer called him Lang.

“You once said that you liked me at first sight, and that I am the one in your heart. For me, that is enough. Truly.” She said softly.

“You already have a knot in your heart, and we both know this. Now that things have come to this, even if you soften your heart towards me this time and continue to maintain this relationship, sooner or later, I will no longer be the person you like at first sight. I don’t want to wait until that day when you truly despise me or even hate me. And even more, I don’t want your love for me to become a cage for yourself.

“I’ve wronged you. I relied on your feelings for me, disregarded your will, and forced you to become my consort. My original goal has been achieved. Even now, despite how wretched the truth has proven to be, you have not once shown the slightest thought of betraying the court. Even when faced with the greatest enemy you’ve hated for nearly twenty years, you endured, continued to kneel to him, and called him ‘Your Majesty.’ As for me—my father is the main culprit, and yet I will not sever ties with him. I still stand at his side, because I am his daughter—

“Remember what we said on our wedding night? I won’t force you.”

The corners of Pei Xiaoyuan’s eye twitched.

“Pei Er, the first time I saw you was in the Ganliang County Governor’s Mansion. You looked humble and gentle on the surface, but I know that you are actually a proud person. I even saw the shadow of misty peak in your eyes, aloof and unwavering. But now, because of me, you’ve been dragged into such a plight.

“So,” she stared at the extremely handsome face of the young master of the Pei family opposite her.

“If you still haven’t decided what to do—then let me make the decision for you.”

She finished the last sentence almost word by word, then exerted force to free her hand from his grip, pulling out the fish talisman along with it.

Pei Xiaoyuan’s hands froze dejectedly.

Xuyu held the fish talisman in her palm and tightened it hard.

Heavy snow fell outside the pavilion, while the fire slowly emitted warm air. The two of them just stared at each other for a long time, neither of them saying a word.

At this moment, the sound of galloping horses suddenly came from a distance, breaking the deathly silence.

Jinwuzhui was galloping along the river bank, breaking through the snow, and heading in this direction.

Xuyu turned around, took a look, and stood up.

“Your horse is here. It’s time for me to go, too.”

She said with a smile, adjusting her cloak.

“The people at the Tianlong Stables told me that it came back on its own, but it didn’t want to eat or drink. It didn’t know that you didn’t want it anymore, and it didn’t know that you were locked up in prison. It must have been waiting for you to pick it up again, so I took it to my side and raised it for a few days…”

Her voice suddenly became unsteady, paused, then stopped completely. She then put her hat back on, completely hiding her face in it, then turned and walked down the pavilion, and walked to the side of the horse stood by the river.

Jinwuzhui approached her affectionately, stretched out his warm tongue, and gently licked away the two strings of tears that had finally fallen and stained her cheeks when she turned her back.

Xuyu felt itchy when it licked her. She dodged, smiled, stretched out her hands, hugged its head, and said softly:

“Be obedient, take care of yourself, and return victorious soon.”

After saying that, she let go of the horse, took a step, and hurried forward in the snow.

Several palace guards hiding in the dark immediately came to pick her up with a warm sedan chair. She lowered her head and went up, disappearing. Yang Zai’en and another team of palace guards followed closely behind. After walking for a while, the warm sedan chair suddenly stopped for some unknown reason.

After a moment, Yang Zai’en’ figure gradually grew larger again. He walked back and bowed respectfully to Pei Xiaoyuan who was still standing under the pavilion.

“Does the Princess have any other instructions?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

“The princess ordered this servant to tell Master Pei that she is pregnant—”

Pei Xiaoyuan’s shoulders shook slightly and immediately he raised his eyes.

“The Princess said that you can rest assured, Master Pei, and don’t have to worry about anything. She will give birth to the baby well. The reason why she told you this is because she felt that it should not be concealed and that it was unnecessary.

“The Princess also said that no matter what happens in the future, if Master wishes, whether it’s a boy or a girl, she can let the child have the surname Pei, be proud of this surname, and worship the ancestors of the Pei family.”

After Yang Zai’en finished speaking, he bowed to Pei Xiaoyuan again and left in a hurry.

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