Chapter 146 Part 2

 

Yang Zai’en and the stablemaster here finally caught up breathlessly. Seeing the scene before them, they smiled and began to explain: Jinwuzhui had suddenly appeared about half a month ago in the wild fields outside the Tianlong Stables, where someone spotted it. At the time, it was thin and filthy, covered in various scrapes, and missing one horseshoe. It was extremely wary—bolting off at the sight of people. After the people over there recognized the horse, they were very surprised. They were unable to understand how prince consort’s mount could return to Chang’an from Hexi all on its own. Unable to approach it, they immediately reported the sighting to the Princess. Upon hearing the news, the Princess personally hurried over and called out to it repeatedly. It seemed to recognize her voice and finally stopped running, following her back to the palace. Afterwards, the princess sent someone to treat its injuries and take good care of it.

“A true miracle! Judging by the dates, it must have wandered for nearly two months! No one knows how much it endured, how many dangers it escaped—yet somehow, it found its way back!”

When Yang Zai’en talked about this, he was still amazed and sighed with wonder.

Pei Xiaoyuan felt a deep ache in his heart. After a few more moments of affection with Jinwuzhui, he ran his hand over its sleek back, still thin and not yet fully regained in flesh. Suddenly, a shiver ran through him.

“Was the saddlebag still on it when it came back that day?” he asked, turning his head sharply.

“Yes!” The stablemaster nodded hurriedly.

“It has been wandering for two months, and the saddlebag is still on its back. That’s probably why it’s called a divine horse!”

“Where is the bag?” He had a vague premonition.

“The Princess has taken it.” Yang Zai’en said with a smile, “Don’t worry, Prince Consort, the Princess certainty keep the things inside the bag save for you.”

Pei Xiaoyuan’s heart was beating wildly, and all the blood in his body seemed to be pressed into his chest at this moment.

He could hardly breathe and stood there with his eyes closed, not moving a muscle.

“Prince Consort, what’s wrong with you? Could it be it’s something of value? If so, please go and ask the Princess. As long as Jiwuzhui not lost it on the road, the thing will not be lost.”

Yang Zai’en finally noticed that his expression looked strange, as if something was not right, and asked worriedly.

Pei Xiaoyuan opened his eyes and saw that the two people opposite him were looking at him in confusion. He quickly recovered and smiled, “I’m fine. There’s nothing important in the bag. I just suddenly learned that Jinwuzhui had come here, and I lost my composure for a moment.”

Yang Zai’en and the stablemaster breathed a sigh of relief and echoed with a smile: “Indeed! Who wouldn’t be surprised to hear about this? No wonder people say that an old horse knows their way! It’s truly a divine horse! When the Princess hugged it, she also shed tears!”

Pei Xiaoyuan was silent.

Jinwuzhui returned miraculously, but what about the fish talisman that he had hidden inside the saddlebag?

The bag was made of animal skin, and before he handed it to Qingtou, he tied the opening tightly so that it would not be damaged unless cut with a knife.

According to Yang Zai’en and others, there seemed to be nothing wrong with the bag.

In other words, as long as Jinwuzhui didn’t accidentally throw the thing out and lose it on the road, then there was a high probability that his hidden fish talisman should be with her now, and she must have seen the words he left for her before he decided to die that night.

What did she think and how did she see him?

If the fish talisman was lost along the way, it would have been fine, but she clearly saw it and said nothing about it. Then tonight, she suddenly told him the news that Jinwuzhui had returned.

What on earth did she think of him?

Pei Xiaoyuan’s mood was like a tangled mess. Every word, every expression, every look she gave him when they met appeared before his eyes, and he couldn’t help but become more and more confused. In the end, he couldn’t even figure himself out. Did he hope that she would see the fish talisman, or would he rather that the it was lost halfway and never let her see it?

“Thank you very much, both of you. Continue with what you were doing, don’t worry about me.”

Realizing that there were other people around, he calmed himself down and smiled.

Yang Zai’en and the stablemaster knew that he loved Jinwuzhui, and thought it was normal for him to want to be alone as his lost beloved horse was suddenly by his side, so they took their leave and left.

After sending the two away, he led Jinwuzhui out of the palace and headed back to his Yongning Mansion. However, the joy of getting his beloved horse back could not offset the shadow that subsequently shrouded his heart.

He became more and more depressed, and not only that, he also felt a vague sense of unwillingness.

He was truly unwilling. Thus, he went back in a daze, pretending nothing had happened.

But then he stopped in his tracks. When the scene of her and Lan Tai together last night appeared in front of him again, his heart was twisted again.

It was obvious that the two of them had a very good relationship. They looked more like close friends than a regent and an ordinary minister.

He needed to go back.

Even though it was already very late, he had to get to the bottom of this matter, even if it disturbed her.

He no longer hesitated, turned around, and returned to the palace gate from which he had just exited. He temporarily entrusted Jinwuzhui to the palace guards, and then quickly walked towards her palace.

When he returned, the entire palace was quiet, everything already sunk in slumber. Only a few clusters of jasmine planted along the palace path had yet to fall asleep—the tender yellow blossoms crowded the branches, exhaling threads of fresh, delicate fragrance, even more soothing and penetrating than during the day. But Pei Xiaoyuan had no mind to admire the grace of these night beauties. He hurried past them, his robe brushing against the branches, tugging loose a few petals that fluttered down to the ground—yet he remained completely unaware.

Several palace lanterns flickered gently in the night breeze. In the corridor outside the palace, several palace guards stayed. Seeing him return, they hurried forward to greet him, whispering, “The Princess should have already retired.”

They made no move to block his way—only to inform him. Indeed, in her presence, he was no longer anything, but in others’ eyes, he was still the Princess Consort.

He silently walked up the palace steps and entered the place he had been to tonight. The door of her bedroom was bolted. He knocked on the door and called out Zhu’er, who was on duty. Zhu’er rubbed her sleepy eyes and was surprised again when she saw that it was him outside the door.

“Go and inform the Princess that I seek an audience,” he said.

Zhu’er nodded dazedly and hurried inside. After a moment, she came out and said, “The Princess said that you can come in yourself, Prince Consort.”

He continued to go inside and finally arrived at the door of the inner bedroom.

There was a peaceful light coming from inside the door. He raised his hand and gently tried the door.

The door was open.

Slowly, he pushed the door open, walked lightly, and slowly entered.

Xiao Hu’er was sleeping soundly on a small bed. On the floor in front of the bed, a pair of cloud-shaped embroidered shoes were placed side by side. She leaned against the headboard, her hair was fluffy and fell on her chest like dark clouds. Covered with a silk quilt, she looked at him quietly.

He stopped in the middle of the bedroom, still about seven to eight feet away from her.

“What is it?” she asked softly, her voice lazy, as if he had woken her from sleep and she had risen reluctantly—just like that, allowing him into this private space that belonged solely to her.

A scene that had appeared over and over in his dreams on cold frontier nights had, incredibly, become real.

He lowered his gaze, steadying himself.

“The things inside Jinwuzhui’s saddlebag… is it with you?”

With some difficulty, he finally asked this question.

She didn’t answer, but her eyes fell on his face, observing him.

It must be that the heat in this room was too intense.

Slowly, Pei Xiaoyuan felt a thin layer of hot sweat formed on his back. Not only that, his breathing became difficult.

“They said that when Jinwuzhui came back, the bag was still there,” he added.

She got out of bed, threw off the quilt, walked to the dressing table in her slippers. She pulled out a small drawer with a golden lining, took out a golden object from it, held it in her palm. Turning around and raised it to her chest, she looked at him and said, “Is this it?”

It was the fish talisman that he had hidden away. The edge was broken. He couldn’t be more familiar with it.

“That night I wanted Qingtou to ride it back to Chang’an, but Qingtou refused to leave and followed me out of the city. In the chaos of the battle, he and Jinwuzhui separated. I didn’t expect that it could come all the way back by itself…”

He forced himself to calmly explained, but at this moment, in his heart, he secretly felt an extremely strong sense of bitter feeling.

That night, he just wanted to let her know what was in his heart, otherwise, he would regret it if he died.

He didn’t think about how she would react once she saw it.

Tonight he knew. As plain as water.

At this moment, he even had a thought: He would rather have been buried under the avalanche that night.

His voice gradually stopped. He watched her walk towards him, stop in front of him, look into his eyes, stretch out her arm, and slowly bring the fish talisman to his chest, stopping at the collar of his robe.

Then, his chest felt cold.

A cold object slipped into his collar, stuck to his steaming chest, and slid down like silk until it was blocked by the belt tied around his waist, and stopped abruptly under his clothes.

The warm skin under his clothes was stimulated by the cold and hard object, and instantly a patch of fine goose bumps appeared. He couldn’t help but secretly shivered.

“I gave it back to you. Tomorrow you can polish the words yourself and return them to the Imperial Seal Officer.”

She said, turning away from him.

He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he found that his hand had grasped her arm, preventing her from leaving.

She turned her head, watched him grab her hand, and looked up.

“You don’t want to? Do you still want to be with me?”

She seemed to understand and spoke softly.

He was silent, but the hand that was holding hers did not loosen at all.

“Fine.”

She laughed and nodded.

“Then answer me—why, when you had already returned, did you refuse to enter the city right away to see me, and instead chose to stay at the posthouse? The next day, I asked He Amu to bring our son to you—you were already outside the palace gates, so why you still didn’t you come see me? And another thing!”

As the questions came, her smile vanished completely.

“Just yesterday! Do you think I didn’t know? My father summoned you into the palace—you had clearly come to the Dongnuan Pavilion, so why did you still not want to show up to see me in the end?

“Pei Xiaoyuan, am I a ferocious beast to you?”

“Hao’er!” Pei Xiaoyuan’s heart suddenly tightened and he called out her name again.

“It’s not like that,” he said quickly.

But she obviously didn’t want to listen anymore.

“Tell me what you left on the fish talisman!”

Pei Xiaoyuan paused, finding it difficult to speak.

She sneered.

“You can’t say it? Then let me say it for you. ‘If I live, I shall return to you; if I die, I will long for you forever.‘

“If you were alive, you would surely come back to see me. And if you had died, you would have gone on missing me for all eternity. That night, when you left the city prepared to die, wasn’t it your intention to have Qingtou bring this line back to me? Such a beautiful line. Is it because I am my father’s daughter… that I was never worthy of receiving your love while you lived? That only if you died would I be entitled to know your true heart—is that it?

“If that’s the case, Pei Xiaoyuan, then take your words with you. I thought I had made it clear to you more than once already—I will not force you, not even half a step—”

Unable to hold back any longer, tears rolled down her eyes and fell down her cheeks.

She suddenly turned around, shook off his hand, and walked away. Pei Xiaoyuan snapped out of his extreme shock and regret, only to feel as though his heart had been soaked through by her tears—there wasn’t an inch of it left unscathed.

He hugged her from behind and wouldn’t let her leave.

“Hao’er, it’s my fault. Don’t be angry with me…” He forced her to turn around and asked her to face him. He explained hurriedly, trying to comfort her.

“Before I left Chang’an, I made you sad. Now that I’m back, I’m afraid you still haven’t forgiven me—”

But she still seemed furious. Not only did she refuse to listen, her tears fell even more fiercely, and she struggled harder to break free. Left with no choice, he swept her up into his arms, lifting her off the ground. In the midst of struggling, she lost her balance, her body tipping backward.

She was still crying and let out another soft cry of surprise. She subconsciously grabbed his shoulders with both hands—only then managing to steady herself.

At this moment, the baby on the small bed suddenly turned over. They were both startled and stopped what they were doing. They both turned their heads and looked over, only to see that Xiao Hu’er had turned over and continued to sleep soundly.

“Pei Xiaoyuan, put me down!”

She didn’t dare to make any loud noise, and gave the order with a bit of sob, lowering her eyes, still unwilling to look at him.

Pei Xiaoyuan didn’t move. He lowered his head and gently rested his forehead against hers.

“If I live, I shall return to you; if I die, I will long for you forever…”

He whispered in her ear, and as his voice trailed off, he kissed her lips.

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