Chapter 53

 

Xuyu traveled a long way to Zhaode Mausoleum in the early morning to see her former companion. Overwhelmed by grief and sorrow, she was fortunate to have Pei Xiaoyuan patiently by her side the entire day, which brought her some small measure of comfort. Now back, she felt exhausted, yet even after lying down, she couldn’t fall asleep. Whenever she closed her eyes, her mind would drift from scenes of her carefree childhood, to the fleeting images of her mother from dreams, and then to the gaunt, pitiable, yet deeply resented face of her father.

These thoughts intertwined and surfaced in her heart, like knots twisting her insides. She tossed and turned in bed, unable to find rest. It was only when she heard the distant sounds of the night watchman striking the night drum in the nearby streets that she realized it was already nearing the third watch. Outside, the moon stood high in the sky.

Pei Xiaoyuan’s courtyard was next to her, so if he came back, there would be some noise.

It was already so late tonight, was he still busy?

Thinking that he had stayed awake all night and had taken the trouble to accompany her during the day, he must be more tired than her. Xuyu couldn’t sleep even more. She listened to the noise outside for a while, and suddenly remembered that she hadn’t seen Qingtou since she came back tonight, which was really abnormal.

Could it be that he came back too late after going out and was locked outside the lane gate?

Xuyu was about to go out to check on Qingtou when she heard someone knocking on the courtyard door.

Is it Pei Xiaoyuan who came back, looking for her?

Xuyu put on her clothes hastily, held a candle in her hand, walked through the courtyard, opened the door, and when she saw who was coming, she was startled.

It was not Pei Xiaoyuan. It turned out to be Yang Zai’en, the eunuch in Ziyun Palace. He bowed to her and said in a very respectful tone: “This servant is guilty of disturbing young master’s sleep in the middle of the night. But this servant just following orders and want to invite Young Master to go to a place.”

Since he was a palace eunuch, then “following orders” naturally means the emperor’s orders.

“Is it entering the palace? What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Young master will know when you follow this servant. The carriage is waiting outside.” Yang Zai’en must have sensed some of her reluctance, and his tone was respectful but also a bit fearful.

Xuyu had no choice but to pack up and get on a carriage parked outside the gate of Pei’s house.

They soon arrived in front of the lane gate, which was already open and waiting. Then, the carriage went out of the gate and onto the street, escorted by two teams of cavalry guards, and drove north on the empty road under the moonlight.

Xuyu thought she was going to be taken to the palace, but after got on the journey for a while and arriving at the north of the city, she found that the carriage turned and headed west.

She opened the window and looked out for a moment. Suddenly, she seemed to realize something and her heartbeat quickened.

It was just as she thought. The wheels rumbled, taking her through the lane gate with the old pomegranate tree, and after moving for a while, they slowly stopped in front of the gate of Zanxing Nunnery.

Yang Zai’en quickly got off his horse and stood in front of the carriage door to wait for Xuyu. After she got off the carriage, he bowed and led her to the main door, saying softly, “Please come in, young master.”

The door of the Zanxing Nunnery was pushed open by two palace guards. Xuyu walked in silently, then the door closed silently behind her.

Tonight, the Taoist nunnery should be cleared out.

She entered through the front door. Apart from the sound of her and the palace eunuch’s footsteps, there was no one in sight. She walked through the front hall, turned into the back hall, walked through a long corridor, and finally arrived in front of the wall door.

Last time, she was blocked outside this wall. But tonight, the door in the wall was wide open, and she saw two rows of lanterns hanging on both sides of the corridor behind the door. The lanterns swayed gently in the night wind, and from a distance, they looked like red clouds floating in the courtyard.

Xuyu couldn’t help but stop and stare at this scene, her thoughts were pulled back to the past. She remembered that in the past, every festival, such as New Year’s Day, Lantern Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival, and her birthday, the palace would hang lanterns like this, and it was looking full of joy. Those festivals were also her happiest days. The court was on vacation, and her father had nothing to do, so he celebrated the festival with her and her mother. They drank Tusu wine on New Year’s Day, watched lanterns all over the city as the curfew lifted on Lantern Festival, and worshipped the moon and made wishes on Mid-Autumn Festival. And there were also her birthdays, on that day, everyone in the prince mansion would wear new clothes, and it was as lively as New Year’s Eve.

It was on her last birthday here that her father asked for the title of Zanxing for her. In his words, the ugly scar on her forehead became the peerless fallen star in the world.

The eunuch followed her silently. Instead of urging her on, he even breathed very lightly, as if he was afraid to disturb her thoughts.

After standing still for a long time, Xuyu stepped over the threshold and walked along the flower-brick path where she had run back and forth and shed countless laughter when she was a child. She walked across the small bridge where the pool was filled, when suddenly, a few crisp and clear chimes from a wind bell floated through the night breeze. The gentle, resonant sound felt like an earnest call. Unable to resist, she followed the sound and stepped into the sleeping quarter.

She walked slowly through the courtyard in her memory.

She was greeted by two snow-purple curtains that hung quietly to the ground. The curtains had already been rolled up to the sides by gold hooks adorned with tassels of beads and jade ornaments. She walked under the curtains, passed the bedroom, slowly pushed open a green gauze door, and entered a small adjacent bedroom.

Facing her was a lamp tree with warm and bright candles burning. Next to the lamps was a ruyi screen depicting flowers, birds and children playing. There was a couch that was much smaller than the usual size and covered with embroidered mats. Next to the south window, there was a wooden horse on the ground with a string of small golden bells hanging on the horse’s head. There was also an exquisite stove at the head of the bed, which quietly emits sweet, sleep-inducing fragrance.

This was where she lived as a child.

Because she was unwilling to separate from her father and mother, they built this small pavilion next to their bedroom. She remembered that she often lay between her father and mother before sleeping, and when she woke up the next morning, she somehow found herself in her own bed. If she protested and asked her mother, her mother would push it to her father. At that time, her father would smile and say that she went back to her room to sleep in the middle of the night.

Everything was just as she remembered. Even the jade box that held her candies and the brocade basket that held her toys were exactly the same as before.

Xuyu stood there in a daze. She didn’t know how long it had been, when she suddenly heard a cautious and tentative voice calling from behind: “Hao’er?”

She turned around and saw the current emperor, who was standing behind her next to the green gauze door connecting the two bedrooms.

When the emperor saw that she had seen him, his eyes immediately lit up with joy and excitement. He stretched out his hands and coaxed her in a trembling voice, “Hao’er! It’s Father! Zhen is your father!

“Come here quickly, come to Zhen’s side!”

It was still a familiar scene.

When she was a child, if her father stretched out his hands to her and called her like this, she would rush towards him joyfully, into his arms, and then he would catch her and hold her high.

Xuyu slowly turned around and faced the emperor, but did not go up to him. She just looked at the person in front of her silently without any reaction.

The emperor’s excitement and joy disappeared, and a look of loss appeared on his face. He slowly lowered his arms that were stretched out in the air. Suddenly, as if he remembered something, he turned around and walked over quickly. He opened the lid of a box on the table, waved to her, and then pointed to the dazzling gold beads, beautiful jade, and coral in the box, and said in a flattering tone: “Hao’er, come and see, this box contains the treasure that Father picked out from the treasury especially for you!”

Xuyu did not move.

“You don’t like it? What about these?”

The emperor opened another box, which contained many lady’s jewelries, hairpins and rings. A gold bracelet of five to six loops was pulled out in his haste to open the box. It fell to the ground with a clink and rolled to Xuyu’s feet.

“You don’t like it either? There’s more! Father has more!”

The emperor opened another large box.

“This skirt has a very difficult name, and Father can’t remember it either. The embroiderer mentioned something like Hundred Treasures Embroidered Gold Skirt. It was said to be woven with peacock feathers and its gold and silver threads were from the tribute of Nvman Kingdom. It took three years to weave this single piece. In the snow, wearing only this would be enough to keep warm. Father remembers how much you loved new clothes as a child. What do you think of this one?”

After the emperor finished speaking, he looked at her closely with eyes full of expectation.

This peacock feather skirt with gold and silver embellishments was as plump as clouds and decorated with golden beads. Under the candlelight, the entire skirt shone with gold and silver, flashing a faint halo.

Xuyu raised her eyes from the hem of the skirt and slowly shook her head.

“Don’t like it? That’s fine! Father has more!”

The emperor rushed to say.

“Father will take you to the inner storehouse now! Look around for yourself, take whatever you like—”

The emperor came back, took her hand, and hurriedly led her out as if she were still the little girl she used to be.

Xuyu broke free from the emperor’s hand.

“Your Majesty!” she cried.

“How did Your Majesty know about me?”

The emperor pretended not to hear, only stopped, and slowly turned his head and looked at Xuyu.

“Hao’er!”

After a moment, his gaze trembled and fell on Xuyu’s forehead. “You deliberately covered the wound on your forehead because you don’t want Father to recognize you, right?

“Hao’er, you have grown up, but Father has grown old. Do you really not want to acknowledge Father anymore?”

Muttering this sentence, the emperor’s face suddenly looked a little older. He looked at his daughter in front of him with disappointment and a sad tone.

Xuyu’s eyes felt hot, but she tried hard not to cry.

“My mother was harmed by people. When I was running for my life, I saw the person who was chasing me. I know who it was. Your Majesty, you also know it! In all these years, has Your Majesty ever done anything for my mother?”

As she finished speaking, the atmosphere in the room suddenly froze. The emperor’s eyes also turned dark. He stared at her, moved his lips slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but then stopped.

“No! Your Majesty, you didn’t do anything! Except for that mausoleum! But no matter how tall its mound or how grand its underground palace is, beyond letting the world see it and giving you some peace of mind, what meaning does it have for my mother? In fact, I have every reason to doubt—my mother may not even be in there at all!”

These words that had been fermenting in her heart for a long time now seemed to have found an outlet and they kept coming out of her mouth. Seeing a trace of grief on the emperor’s face, as if he was about to speak again, she interrupted him.

“Your Majesty, what do you want to explain to me? Saying you have your own difficulties, right?”

She nodded.

“I have met Zhao Bandang! He covered up for you, saying that he had never told you and that you knew nothing about what happened back then! He also said that you had your own difficulties! I believe it! Your Majesty, you rule the world, so you naturally have your own considerations. I believe you have your own difficulties. But so what? Your Majesty, you can use your difficulties to comfort yourself and gain peace of mind. But here, Your Majesty, I only want to say one thing—”

She spoke so quickly and urgently that she was almost out of breath by this point.

“Your Majesty, you disappoint me so much! I’d rather never have such a father!”

After a pause, her words rushed out of her mouth.

The room went horribly silent for a moment. The emperor stared at her, his expression changing from the initial faint sorrow to a gloomy one.

“Hao’er, are you saying that if Father can’t give you a reason that satisfies you, then you’re going to stop recognizing Father for the rest of your life?”

Xuyu was not afraid at all and met the emperor’s two threatening gazes.

“What does it matter if I am satisfies or not? You should ask my mother! Is she satisfied? I did not come back to recognize my father! Now that I know that Your Majesty has your own difficulties, then just hold on to your difficulties and be an emperor. I will go find my mother myself!”

Xuyu didn’t want to see her father’s old face that disgusted her anymore, so she walked out.

“Stop!”

Xuyu not only did not stop, but she got faster and faster.

“Stop right there!”

When she walked under the two purple curtains in the outer room, she heard the emperor’s roar from behind her.

“If you dare to take another step, I will kill that boy from the Pei family immediately!”

Xuyu was stunned, stopped and turned around to look, only to see that the emperor had caught up with her with a furious look on his face.

“Hao’er! You were not like this when you were a child! When did you become so disobedient? Who taught you to have those thoughts of opposing Zhen just now? Was it that boy from the Pei family? Let Father tells you that he actually hates Father in his heart. He may have other thoughts when he was summoned to the capital this time, and don’t think that Father is unaware of it! After knowing your identity, he deliberately tried to please you in every way, with the purpose of driving a wedge between us, father and daughter. Hao’er, listen to Father and don’t be fooled by outsiders!”

Xuyu didn’t know where her old father got these absurd ideas from, which made her think she had misheard. She opened her eyes wide in surprise: “Master Pei is not that kind of person!”

The emperor sneered, “Do you think that little Pei family brat can hide his thoughts from your father? When he was summoned to the capital and saw him for the first time, Father knew that he has no loyalty to Father! More than that, he’s full of rebellious intent! Right now, he’s merely biding his time, with other plans in mind. If you don’t believe it, just wait and see. If there’s any change in the future, he’ll be the first to stand against your father!”

Xuyu was so angry that she was shaking. She wanted to reach out and pull out a few of his beards on the spot: “You are talking nonsense! He is definitely not that kind of person!”

Compared to Xuyu’s out-of-control outburst at the moment, the emperor actually calmed down slowly and snorted, “Whether it’s true or not, you will know in the future! You should listen to Father, don’t just believe him because he’s good-looking. What’s the use of a good-looking man? If you really like good-looking men, that’s fine. Father will find you plenty of them in the future!”

Xuyu was so angry that she stamped her feet: “What did you do to him?”

The emperor said calmly: “He’s doing quite well, far more carefree than your father.”

Xuyu’s heart filled with uncertainty and suspicion as she looked at the emperor’s inscrutable expression, knowing that no matter how much she asked, she would not get any answers from him. Slowly, she began to step back.

The emperor did not stop her this time. He just looked at her and said in a loving tone, “Hao’er, Father is not in a hurry for you to recognize me now. When you have figured it out, it will not be too late for you to come and find Father again.”

Xuyu stared at him without saying a word, then turned and walked away quickly.

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