Chapter 38

 

Pei Xiaoyuan asked again and again, trying to force her to reveal her identity, which was like a cloud of fog to him. However, when she really admitted it, he lost his reaction and just stared at her, stunned for a moment.

The light from the celadon candlesticks enveloped the quiet little west pavilion. She sat in a quiet posture, revealing a natural and noble demeanor.

This was not something she deliberately acted on for others, but a natural temperament that came with these words.

“Why are you silent? Didn’t you force me to reveal my true identity to you just now?”

Pei Xiaoyuan was awakened from his shock by her question. He hastily withdrew his gaze, not knowing how to respond for a moment, let alone step forward and pay his respects.

For him, everything at this moment should have been within his expectations, yet it seemed he still couldn’t fully believe this reality—that the woman standing before him, who had been engaged to him but broke up, who had been his sister but severed ties with him, would be the princess of the current dynasty, the emperor’s long-lost princess, whom everyone had thought to be dead for many years.

In this brief silence, Xuyu also closed her eyes slightly, once again sorted out the disordered thoughts in her heart, then opened her eyes and said: “I know you must have many doubts in your heart at this moment. Since I let you know my identity, I don’t need to hide anything from you. Just ask whatever you want to know.”

Pei Xiaoyuan slowly cast his gaze towards the peaceful face in front of him, which finally reminded him of another person. With some hesitation, he asked his first question: “Since you are a princess, why didn’t you just go back to the palace? Instead, you hide your identity and keep so many things to yourself?

“Although many years have passed, and your appearance may be very different from when you were lost, but if you are really a princess, it should not be difficult for you to prove your identity.”

Faintly, he seemed to still be questioning her identity.

“Because I’m not sure whether the emperor today is still my father from the past.” Xuyu responded without blinking.

Pei Xiaoyuan obviously did not expect to hear such an answer, and was surprised and asked: “What do you mean?”

“Answer me one thing first. What do you know about what happened to me and my mother back then?”

“On the way out of the capital to seek refuge, you both encountered rebels. Empress Zhaode was unfortunately killed, and the princess disappeared. Her whereabouts have been unknown since then.” He replied.

Xuyu nodded: “Yes, this is what everyone in the world knows. What else?”

He glanced at her quickly and said nothing.

Xuyu said: “Why don’t you tell me? I don’t believe you don’t know.”

Pei Xiaoyuan had indeed heard about the late Empress Zhaode abandoned her daughter to run away with a young court painter on the eve of the rebellion in the capital.

Even if he didn’t know it before, he had been in Chang’an for some time. With his current status as someone who work closely to the emperor, naturally some people would explain to him the taboos in the court that could not be easily touched, or the reverse scales of the emperor.

“I know you must have heard of it, too.”

A slightly bleak chuckle came from Xuyu’s lips, “It just that you don’t dare to say it, or in front of me, her child, you don’t want to say it.”

Pei Xiaoyuan had completely recovered his usual appearance at this time.

“Those should all be rumors! Don’t worry about them, and don’t believe them.” He replied in a deep voice.

Xuyu stared at him and nodded: “Thank you for your comfort. But I still want to tell you, indeed, I never believed it.

“Those are just rumors spread by someone to cover up their evil deeds. I have every reason to suspect that my mother was murdered. Not only that, on that night when the incident happened, if it weren’t for my mother, my Zhao Bandang, and Chief Guard Guo, I would have died long ago, and I wouldn’t have survived until today.”

As she spoke, Pei Xiaoyuan’s expression changed from surprise to serious, and finally to unusual solemnity. When he heard this part, he suddenly signaled her to silence first, opened the door and walked out, personally checked the surroundings again, making sure there were no extra eyes and ears hiding in the darkness, then closed the door and went back in, stepped lightly to her side, and asked her to continue.

Xuyu sat on a low bed, slightly looking up, and her eyes met with the man who was looking down at her. After a moment, she lowered her eyes and began to talk about that night in her memory.

This was all something she had never mentioned to anyone before. Even last night, in front of her Brother Yan and elder sister Wei, she had never discussed it in such detail and without reservation.

“… Zhao Zhongfang told me to run for my life. When I turned around, I saw a face I recognized. The man who led people to chase and kill me was a captain guard of the Liu family.

“It was too dark, I couldn’t see the road, and I fell into a deep ditch while running away. When I woke up, Chang’an had been destroyed. I couldn’t remember who I was, but I vaguely remembered that I had a mother, and she should be in the palace. I broke into the palace, but of course I couldn’t find my mother. There, I met my grandfather. It was he who rescued me from the burning Yong’an Palace and took me away from Chang’an. From then on, I became Ye Xuyu.

“So many years have passed, yet the matter of Ding Baiya has always weighed heavily on Grandpa’s heart. He never truly believed that his beloved disciple would do such thing and has been searching for him ever since. At the end of last year, Grandpa went out to look for him again, which is why I went to Ganliang. Grandpa entrusted me to Lord Pei, and it was then that the engagement between you and me was arranged. But at that time, because of a serious illness three years ago, I vaguely began to remember some things from my childhood. So, after arriving at the County Governor Mansion and meeting your uncle, I…”

“I understand this.”

Pei Xiaoyuan, who had been listening to her attentively, interrupted her unexpectedly.

“Please forget about it, Princess. Just pretend it never happened. Don’t mention it again.”

Seeing Xuyu staring at him silently, he couldn’t help showing a bit of embarrassment on his usually calm and cold face.

Soon, he regained his usual composure. Seeing that she was still looking at him like that, after some hesitation, he straightened his clothes, walked to the bed where she was sitting, lifted up the hem of his clothes, and knelt down at her feet.

“This minister understand this,” he repeated.

“Princess is of a noble stature. How can this minister ever deserving to marry you? If there is any offense before, still ask Princess to please forgive.”

He bowed to her solemnly.

Xuyu stood up from the bed in surprise, stretched out her hand, grabbed his sleeve, and used all her strength, but still couldn’t pull him up from the ground.

“Don’t do this!”

She felt somewhat frustrated and annoyed by his overly upright behavior.

“It’s not what you think!” she explained hurriedly.

“Pei Er, get up now!”

By this time he had finished saluting, and he followed her pull and stood up from the ground.

He remained outwardly calm, yet had already taken in every subtle change in her expression, and a faint hint of amusement flickered briefly in his eyes, fleeting and almost imperceptible.

After standing still for a moment, he glanced at her hand that was still holding a corner of his sleeve, and said softly, “I understand that you have your own plans. Paying respect to Your Highness the Princess is the duty of a loyal subject.”

Xuyu paused, loosened her fingers, and let go of his sleeves.

“Please continue, Your Highness. I am listening.” He regained his serious expression.

Xuyu slowly sat back down, lowered her head and reorganized her thoughts under his gaze, then continued: “You are right, so I came back here and tried every means to enter the palace. Didn’t you ask me why I concealed my identity at first? Because the people I suspected of murdering my mother and me are now extremely noble. I want to find out whether my father knows what happened to my mother and me back then.”

She looked up again and glanced at Pei Xiaoyuan who was standing beside her.

“If he is still in the dark and unaware, I will go to him immediately and tell him that I am not dead and I am back. But!

“If, he obviously knew…”

She was silent for a moment.

“If he had known everything but turned a blind eye to it, and that for so many years he had protected those who murdered my mother and shamelessly defamed her after her death, then I, who am full of hatred, would be nothing more than an unnecessary burden to my father today.

“If that’s the case, what’s the point of me rashly finding him and letting him know that I’m alive? Will he listen to me and avenge my mother? Instead, I will become a thorn in their eyes.

“My life was saved by Grandpa. I don’t mind dying, but I can’t die like this. If I die like this, who will be able to redress my mother’s injustice and her reputation? Even if those who harmed her fall into the Avici Hell after death, what meaning will it have for her?”

“So what is Your Highness’s next plan?” Pei Xiaoyuan asked with a gleam in his eyes.

“I learned something about Zhao Zhongfang from my elder sister last night. He should still be alive, but he was expelled from the palace by my father. I want to find him first. He is the one who knows best what happened to my mother that night and whether my father knows about it. Only after knowing all this, I will know what I should do next.”

“I understand!”

Pei Xiaoyuan nodded, “I will find out the whereabouts of this person for you as soon as possible. Princess, just wait for my news.”

Xuyu’s eyes fell on his young and handsome face. She stared at him blankly until an unnatural expression appeared on his face, and he even turned his head slightly to avoid her gaze. It was only then that she snapped back to awareness.

“Do you know why I cut off ties with you before? I just didn’t want to involve you in all of this.”

Pei Xiaoyuan, already feeling a surge of warmth rising in his chest under the intensity of her bright eyes, found himself quietly stirred, his emotions subtly swelling like an undercurrent of blood waves.

“It is this minister’s duty to serve Your Highness the Princess,” he responded calmly.

“But if I become a burden to my father, this so-called princess identity…”

“In this minister’s eyes, no matter what His Majesty thinks, you are a princess.”

After hearing this, Xuyu remained silent.

After a long time, she sat in the bed, slowly turned to face him, and smiled slightly.

“Pei Er, I hope I can repay you in this life.”

The small west pavilion became quiet, with only a candlelight flickering softly.

After a while, Pei Xiaoyuan spoke again, breaking the silence.

“This minister work for the princess not to ask for anything in return.

“It’s getting late, I should send Princess back. I have a mansion in Yongning Lane, and after I make some arrangement tomorrow, I will take Princess there to stay temporarily. Compared to the inn, that place is more suitable for Princess to live in, and it’s also safer.

“Another thing……”

He hesitated and looked at her.

“I will come back to live with you in the future. I hope Princess will agree.”

How could Xuyu not aware the considerations behind his arrangement, so she lowered her eyes and said, “I’m sorry for the trouble.”

After she finished speaking, she stood up from the bed and was about to leave when suddenly she was called again.

“I have one more thing to say. If it’s inappropriate, please forgive me, Princess. Regarding Li Yan, Princess, you don’t think he is still your brother from before, right?”

Xuyu paused.

Li Yan survived by chance that year and came back now. Last night, he didn’t tell her what his purpose was, and Xuyu didn’t ask.

But she could probably guess what he wanted to do.

It was just like her return, determined to seek justice for her mother. With his once noble body, how could he be willing to hide his identity and live out his life in the mountains and forests?

Is he wrong?

She doesn’t know.

She turned her head slowly.

“At least for now, he is still my Brother Yan, isn’t he?”

Her expression showed a bit of despair. “Under the circumstances last night, I couldn’t bear it, and I couldn’t do it, to just watch him die at my father’s hands.”

Pei Xiaoyuan stared at her for a moment, then suddenly raised his wrist and extinguished the fire on the wick with his palm.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to rest.”

His gentle voice came from the darkness.

He sent Xuyu back to the inn and watched her figure disappear behind the door. He waited until midnight, then looked over the wall and saw that the light behind the loft door was extinguished. Knowing she had likely fallen asleep, he still stood at the dark alley entrance, unable to leave.

At this moment, he went over what happened tonight in his mind again, and still felt a sense of unreality, until he suddenly heard a light and hurried sound of footsteps behind him.

A confidant came and whispered something to him.

His Majesty the Emperor summoned him and ordered him to enter the palace for an audience.

Right now, without delay.

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