Chapter 100 Part 1

 

She struggled so hard that Pei Xiaoyuan had to carry her completely. When they reached an ancient cypress tree at the end of the palace road, he loosened his arms and let her fall onto the soft ground covered with cypress needles.

By now dusk had fallen, and the clouds above Chang’an were suddenly gathered into a huge, thick black cloud by a strong wind from the wilderness outside the city, slowly pressing down on the city. The once-clear sky darkened rapidly. A few palace crows that had always built their nests in the palace cypress trees, where few people usually passed by, squawked noisily as they flapped their wings and took off in fright.

As soon as her feet touched the ground and were free, before she could stand firmly, Xuyu pulled away his other hand that was still covering her mouth to prevent her from making any sound, and then without saying a word, turned around and ran back in the direction they came from.

“Princess, please stay!”

That powerful hand grabbed her arm from behind again, making it impossible for her to break free, and she had to stop again.

Fortunately, this time, he didn’t cover her mouth again.

Xuyu stood with her back to the man for a moment, and suddenly she could no longer restrain herself. She turned around and said, “Why didn’t you let me in just now? Let me go!” Anger was already flowing in her eyes.

The last ray of sunlight that had not yet been swallowed by the dark clouds leaked through the gaps between the green and shady branches of the cypress trees and fell onto her face. Her face was the palest color he had never seen before, and the anger in her eyes that was shifted onto him and the stern tone of questioning him were also what he had never encountered in her before.

“Princess, please be patient.”

Pei Xiaoyuan accepted her anger and questioning. The voice and tone he used when speaking to her at this moment were softer than ever before.

“Princess, you will understand if you think about it. His Majesty clearly already knew about Empress Zhaode’s final…”

He paused for a moment, and replaced the words that were so cruel that he couldn’t bear to say them with a euphemism.

“He never told you where Empress Zhaode’s last trace was. Why? Because he was afraid that if the Princess knew, you would be heartbroken and unable to accept such a result.

“If Princess had just barged in to demand answers, what good would it have done other than starling His Majesty, add to his heart-wrenching regret, and increase his worries about the Princess?”

At this moment, Pei Xiaoyuan couldn’t help but recall the scene when he was taken to the mass grave in the eastern suburbs that night.

When the Emperor recounted that part of his past, the overwhelming despair and suffocating sense of oppression—like being buried in an eternal, boundless night—left a profound impression on Pei Xiaoyuan, one that lingered even now.

He ruled over the empire, had the power of life and death, and capable of bringing countless lives to ruin with a single wrathful decree. However, the woman he loved had disappeared from the world, broken into pieces and scattered without a trace. All he could do was endure it. And endure he did, for more than a decade.

In a person’s life, how many decades could be used to endure?

And all this happened to a man who was honored as the Son of Heaven. Wasn’t it the greatest irony?

It had to be said that even though Pei Xiaoyuan still couldn’t let go of the person in the Purple Palace, he couldn’t help but feel a little moved when he thought about this.

“If it’s possible, even using all the power in the world, to bring Empress Zhaode back from her grave, I think His Majesty will be willing to do so.”

He continued slowly.

Xuyu stopped.

Slowly, the sparks in her eyes that were shooting at him dimmed and finally went out. She also closed her lips and stopped questioning him. But her face was still as pale as before, and her brows were covered with a layer of despair and bleakness because of his words.

A gust of wind, with a damp and cool autumn feel, foreshadowed the night rain. It passed over the palace walls and towers, and rushed to this corner at the end of the palace road, blowing the fallen leaves on the ground into a whirlwind.

Pei Xiaoyuan stared at her quietly.

He guessed that when she arrived, she must have only overheard the latter part of the emperor and the old palace eunuch’s lament about Empress Zhaode.

She probably didn’t know that the emperor, who seemed to be getting stronger day by day in front of others, was actually so ill that had begun coughing up blood.

He was glad that she didn’t know at the moment. Otherwise, he truly could not fathom how she would cope with these two unbearably cruel misfortunes simultaneously, both of which would undoubtedly shatter her heart.

“You already knew, didn’t you?”

Suddenly she spoke again and asked this.

Pei Xiaoyuan was startled. While hesitating, he saw her looking at him, and a faint smile was forced out of her lips: “From the look on your face, it’s obvious that you knew since a long time ago. It’s just that you all kept it a secret from me!”

Pei Xiaoyuan met her red eyes that were looking at him.

She took a breath and spoke again: “Tell me, what happened that night? How did my mother die? How could she be abandoned in the mass grave with no remains left?”

Like the emperor, how could Pei Xiaoyuan dare, or bear, to tell her the extremely cruel thing that had happened to her mother.

“His Majesty did mention to me before that the rumor that the Empress eloped with Ding Baiya is a slander. I don’t know the rest…” he responded.

She stood motionless under the cypress tree, and did not continue to question him, but her hands were shaking slightly. Suddenly, she looked in a certain direction of the palace, and then turned around without saying a word and was about to walk out from behind the tree.

Pei Xiaoyuan was startled when he saw this, and looked in the direction she had just looked. He immediately understood what was going on, and before she could take a step, he stood in front of her, trapping her between himself and the tree trunk.

“Princess, are you going to Fengyi Palace?” he asked with his head down.

Xuyu said nothing and continued walking, trying to bypass him.

“Princess, please calm down. Listen to me. Don’t go now—”

“Get lost!”

At that moment, the young County Princess Zanxing, Li Hao’er of the Prince Mansion, seemed to wake up in Xuyu’s body. She could no longer control herself, flew into a rage, and scolded loudly.

Pei Xiaoyuan was startled and looked at her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?

“I can’t ask my father, and you won’t tell me either! Fine! I’m done pretending I can endure this! I’ll find that woman myself! Who do you think you are to stop me? ”

She raised her hand and was about to push away the person who was blocking her way.

His lips pressed into a tight line, his brows were twisted, but his feet seemed to have taken root in the mud, not moving at all.

“Pei Xiaoyuan, get out of my way!”

Xuyu was so angry that she called him by his full name, and even her voice began to tremble.

He let her curse and shove him without retreating a single step. Unexpectedly, her movements inadvertently jostled his injured shoulder, causing half of his body to stiffen, and his handsome face twitched in pain.

Xuyu froze, her anger and impulsiveness dissipating in an instant. Her hand paused mid-air, then slowly drew back before finally dropping limply to her side, drained of strength.

“Are you alright? Does it hurt a lot…”

Pei Xiaoyuan slowly exhaled, paused, and shook his head: “It doesn’t hurt.”

She leaned against the cypress tree behind her, looked up at him, and suddenly whispered, “If you don’t want me to go there, then can you tell me? I can bear it no matter what the truth is.

“She is my mother. I must, and deserve, know everything.

“Unless I heard nothing today, this would be even more torture for me.”

Pei Xiaoyuan looked into her red eyes, and how could he not know that what she said made sense.

He paused for a moment, and finally agreed to her request and told her what he had heard that night. Yet, even then, he could not bring himself to fully reveal the brutality of it. When speaking of the princess consort’s tragic death and the abandonment of her body, he mentioned it in very brief words.

But even that was enough. After hearing this, her face turned pale. In the suffocating silence that followed, like being plunged into a world of death, she turned her head and looked at the direction of Fengyi Palace in the distance again, for a long time, without moving.

The sky was filled with thick dark clouds, which had already reached the top of the towering Chengtianmen Bell and Drum Tower of the Imperial Palace.

A bit of wet and cool water fell on Pei Xiaoyuan’s forehead.

It was raining.

Suddenly she stepped out from behind the tree and walked forward.

Pei Xiaoyuan didn’t care about anything else for a moment, and grabbed her hand from behind again to stop her steps.

“Princess! Don’t go!” he pleaded in a low voice.

“If Princess has really made up you mind that only by killing the enemy right now can you relieve the bitterness in your heart, I will definitely help you. I will draw the sword for you and put that sword in your hand myself. If the Princess feels it beneath you to stain your hands, then let me do it. I will carve out their heart and liver, disembowel them, or do whatever it takes to bring you relief. But if the Princess also knows that this is not the time to take action, and that your impulse stems only from anger, then I beg you, listen to me and hold off for now.

“Going now will do no good except to let the enemy see the Princess’s grief.”

“Please be patient for a while, Princess. It will be soon! I promise you!” He said solemnly, word by word.

Xuyu looked at him for a moment and a smile appeared on her face.

“Master Pei, you misunderstood.” She spoke, looking no different from usual.

“I was wrong just now. I took my anger out on you. Please don’t blame me, Master Pei. Thank you for telling me. I’m fine now. You don’t need to worry about me—”

At this moment, a few drops of evening rain could no longer wait and hurriedly smashed through the cypress treetops above their heads and fell on her face.

She looked up at the sky.

“It’s getting dark, it’s time to leave the palace and return home,” she said.

After the beginning of autumn, the days get shorter. When the two of them left the palace and returned to Yongning Mansion, it was already dark, and all the rooms where people lived had already been lit. Pei Xiaoyuan had been secretly watching her, observing her words and actions, and found that she was indeed the same as usual. After dinner, she watched Imperial Physician Hu examine his wounds and change the bandages for him before leaving, and discussed with He shi about her plan to go out with Pei Xiaoyuan tomorrow, as they need to visit Cui Mansion and Prince Ning Mansion. Finally, before they changed their clothes and went to their rooms to rest, she told him what the grand princess had asked her to say when she was in the palace during the day.

“If you have the chance, please remind him about this matter. If you feel awkward, then you can just ignore it. I also didn’t promise my aunt that you can persuade Chengping.” She sat in front of the dressing mirror, with her back to Pei Xiaoyuan, holding a rhinoceros comb in her hand, slowly combing her hanging black hair while talking casually.

Pei Xiaoyuan saw her face in the mirror was smiling with a relaxed expression. At this point, he finally put his mind at ease.

He must have been overthinking. As always, she left him with the impression of being poised, intelligent, and composed. The incident that occurred this evening, though had brought her immense distress and pain, seemed to have been set aside after that brief moment of emotional turmoil.

After the events of the previous night, their arrangement of sharing the same bed but under separate quilts went smoothly again, without any complications. The only thing was Pei Xiaoyuan, who believed his injuries were no longer an issue, still ordered to sleep on the inside part of the bed, which made him very uncomfortable. But she insisted on sleeping on the outer side.

Pei Xiaoyuan couldn’t win against her, so he had to give up.

Outside, the first autumn rain was falling, bringing chilly winds and cold droplets. In the courtyard, red leaves lay damp, covering the mossy green ground. Inside, the lights were gradually dimming.

After she drew the bed canopy and lay down, probably due to the day’s exhaustion, she soon closed her eyes and fell asleep, her back turned toward him.

The effect of the medicine gradually set in, but Pei Xiaoyuan was reluctant to fall asleep. Quietly, he opened his eyes, turning his face outward. In the faint, flickering light of the lamp filtering through the bed canopy, and accompanied by the unending sound of rain striking the eaves, he gazed at her peaceful, motionless back.

It was unclear how much time had passed. Outside, the wind had picked up, and the night rain turned torrential, relentlessly stirring the cluster of green bamboo beyond the window.

Pei Xiaoyuan suddenly woke up within the sound of autumn that invaded his dream. He opened his eyes again, and his subconscious reaction was to turn his head and look toward the space beside him.

The quilt she used to covered herself was now scattered in a mess on the corner of the bed like a wave. The space beside him was empty—she was gone.

Pei Xiaoyuan’s heart sank. He sat up abruptly, leaning forward as he lifted the bed canopy with his hand and took a look outside.

The night light in the bedroom was dimly lit, and the pearl curtain hung quietly, without moving in the wind.

She was not there, and her shoes were not seen by the bed. Pei Xiaoyuan hurriedly got off the bed, put on his clothes hastily, and went out. He opened the door, called a maid who was on duty tonight, and asked about the princess. Only then did he know that she had left Ziming Courtyard and had ordered not to disturb the prince consort, He shi or anyone else, and only called Yang Zai’en.

Feeling uneasy, Pei Xiaoyuan hurriedly got dressed and went to the gatehouse to inquire. He was told that the princess had left the mansion and rode a horse without informing where she was going.

“When did she leave?”

“It’s been some time. Just before the third watch drum,” the gatekeeper replied respectfully.

Pei Xiaoyuan turned his face, gazing out at the unending night rain over Chang’an’s darkened skies. He stood motionless under the eaves of the gatehouse for a moment. Suddenly, a thought flashed through his mind. Without a moment’s hesitation, he put on his felt hat and a raincoat, rode on his Jinwuzhui, and sped off through the rain toward the eastern part of the city.

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